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MOVIE CRITIQUE:
I have to admit to being a long time Woody Allen fan. Some of his movies are just pure strokes of genius and imagination
and will always be a source of great cinematic pleasure. Even his lesser movies, which sometimes miss the mark, at least take
chances and I will always give credit him for that.
"The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" falls into the latter category as a send up of the great 1940's film noir black
and white movies (in which style this movie should have been filmed). While admittedly better that most of the other dreck
out there this summer, anything that carries the Woody Allen moniker tends to raise my expectations to a level for something
of a classic and this movie doesn't even pretend to aspire to the exalted vision and originality of his earlier movies.
"The Curse of the Jade Scorpion", the title of which comes from the jeweled prop that Voltan uses to hypnotize
his subjects, is genuinely funny in parts and will amuse those who have always enjoyed Allen's sense of comedic schtick.
Many critics have complained about the age difference between Woody Allen at 65 years of age and Helen Hunt, who must
be at least 30 years younger. While it must be admitted that Allen is certainly showing his age in this movie, the only comment
that I will make here is that I would guess Helen Hunt to be more than a few years older than Woody Allen's' current wife.
Maybe truth IS stranger than fiction...
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MOVIE SYNOPSIS:
C. W. Briggs (Woody Allen) is the top investigator for North Coast Casualty and Fidelity Company, and he is basking in
the glow and plaudits of his peers for his latest investigative success involving his trademark gumshoe work with the denizens
of the nether world of the city's back streets who have helped him break this latest insurance fraud case. There is even time
to banter with his male coworkers over the obvious feminine attractions of the very fetching office assistant, Jill (Elizabeth
Berkley).
His joy is short-lived, however, as a new fire-eating office manager named Betty Ann Fitzgerald (Helen Hunt) has just
been hired by the company's slightly slimy and insincere President, Chris Magruder (Dan Aykroyd). Unbeknownst to all, but
soon equally obvious to all as nothing is kept secret for long behind the closed doors in this small office, is the fact that
their married president and this new fireball are carrying on an affair of flaming proportions.
Betty Ann Fitzgerald brings to the company table her ideas of corporate efficiency which don't place a high value on dated
voluminous files, those very files which Briggs needs for his research efforts. This is soon made more than apparent to him
as his files are discovered to have been moved without his authorization from his own office to another floor in the building.
It also becomes equally clear that Fitzgerald has placed his investigative career in her sights as being corporately unnecessary
as this is a job that can be farmed out to outside detective agencies when the police aren't up to the task. Such a frontal
attack on his very reason for existence sets up an immediate confrontation between Briggs and Fitzgerald. Briggs, thinking
that his value to the Company has recently been enhanced, is unaware of Fitzgerald's other value to his boss.
Even an attempt at romance at the local saloon of choice goes disastrously awry when Briggs's anger resurfaces and Fitzgerald's
contempt for him, unalloyed because she already has the security of the love of their boss, allows the two of them to place
their emotional cards on the table. There is some fun here as the two unwilling fellow workers are constantly throwing epithets
of all shapes and sizes at each other.
Unfortunately, these verbal fireworks are not enough to carry the first half of the movie, which moves at a painfully
slow place. In addition, all the lead actors seem to be sleepwalking though their roles as Woody Allen plays Woody Allen and
Dan Aykroyd plays Dan Aykroyd. There is not a spark of acting inventiveness throughout much of the movie. Helen Hunt, who
is one of my least-favorite actresses, manages to play Helen Hunt in a manner less annoying than usual, for which I am grateful,
but that is mainly due to her bantering with Briggs.
The setup occurs as the office celebrates at a nightclub where the
entertainment is presented by a hypnotist named Voltan (David Ogden Stiers in a delicious small role). Briggs and Fitzgerald
are commandeered to the stage where, in spite of the declarations of each, both fall immediately under the swami's spell.
When they admit to hating each other, he then gives each a password, "Madagascar" and "Constantinople",
whereby they are to act as if they are married and love each other very deeply. The fun is over as he brings them back, or
is it?
Briggs late the next night receives a telephone call and the the word "Madagascar" is mentioned after which
he is instructed to go to the Kensington mansion, one of the North Coast Casualty clients, and rob them of their jewels and
valuables. Since Briggs set up their security system this proves none too difficult.
The next day the platinum blonde Kensington daughter (Charlize Theron) comes down to seduce Briggs under some pretext
that I cannot remember because it all was so ludicrous. But at least this was played for laughs, especially as another mysterious
phone call comes just as Laura Kensington is about to seduce Briggs in his shabby apartment. Needless to say, she is shocked
when he passes up her considerable charms to take off under that hypnotic spell for another heist in the night.
As the number of successful heists mounts up Briggs comes under more and more suspicion and soon he is placed on leave
from the firm. While he does not like Betty Ann Fitzgerald, he recognizes that her sense of fairness will at least allow him
to present his case for his innocence.
It must be pointed out that he doesn't remember pulling off any of these jobs for which he is being accused. Since he
is without access to the firm and its security plans for each client, he is now of little value to Voltan, who must now call
Betty Ann and whisper, "Constantinople" to her.
During the crossover of these telephone calls, each is with the other while under a state of hypnotic trance and this,
of course, also means that that hypnotized person is deeply in love with the other entirely conscious person who doesn't have
a clue as to what all this gibberish is about. This is played for laughs and is one of the highlights of the movie.
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